The book The Courage to Be Disliked is based on how the psychology plays an important role in controlling the mind.
The book is presented in the form of dialogue between the philosopher and a youth.
Ones who are familiar with the field of psychology must be familiar with the two giants namely Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. The third giant Alfred Adler’s ideas are opposite to theirs, and this book is based on Adlerian Psychology.
The approach focuses on the meaning we give to situations we experience instead of attributing to the cause and effect of the situations faced.
It gives different perspective from the “cause and effect psychology” that most people can relate to.
Basically one need to realize the meaning of the positive or negative happened to him/her rather than crying or regretting to the happenings.
Some of the key learning’s from the book “The Courage to Be Disliked” are as follows
Key Learning 1
People can change and be happy from this moment onwards: Adlerian Psychology does not believe in cause and effect because if that happens, everything will turn out the same way.
For example, every person abused during young will be vengeful as an adult. It’s not true. One can be a better person even if miss happenings have hit him/her.
It states that a person is not shaped by the experiences one has, rather the meaning one gives to the experiences. It doesn’t mean that the experiences do not have any influence on the person rather it is him/her who decides how to live on from that moment on, by giving meaning to these incidents.
The important point to note from this is the past doesn’t matter, what matters is the “now” and it’s our responsibility on how you choose to live the life.
You have the power to change from now. You have the power to be happy right now.
Key Learning 2
All problems are interpersonal relationship problems: There is no such thing as internal worry in Adlerian psychology because whatever problem/worry one has, there must be other people directly or indirectly involved.
This happens because of comparison in competition which leads to feelings of inferiority. Such feelings lower one’s self confidence and make them feel unhappy and worried.
These feelings also let people stop trying because they feel, they are not good enough. The feeling that disturbs due to interpersonal relationship gives nothing to a person except stress and anxiety. However if one adopts the mind set of growth it is a healthy way of life. Progress matters.
It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop
Key Learning 3
The problem is not of ability but of courage: One must Change. Be it the mind set or the behavior, change is important.
Most people do not change because it is easier and most secure to remain as they are.
One wants a stronger and fitter body but it’s too hard to put in the training. One wants a better relationship but it requires a lot of efforts he/she does not want to put into.
Reason: Change is uncomfortable. It can result in anxiety and disappointment if it is not successful. In this one must learn to have the courage to fail.
You are putting your courage to test;
The courage to accept who you are; to
Accept that can’t be changed; to
Change what can be changed; to
be happy; to
be free of the opinion of others
The courage to be disliked.